“Children are a hassle!”

I often hear that, though usually the words sound like, “We’ll have kids when we’ve had some fun…when our careers are further….when we’ve saved more…”

I think we’re missing the point.

Children are a blessing, not ‘could be’ a blessing. More than fruit is the blessing and heritage of a fruit tree. Ask those who have the heartache of not knowing if they can make it happen. Sadly, the message children are hearing from our attitude is, “you are a hassle”.

There is something children bring that disturbs, frustrates and enriches our lives, keeps our feet on the ground and veers us from self-centredness. And gives us back far more when we least knew we needed it.

I recently discovered the fun of Podcasts so was listening to one while driving to work yesterday. Someone had spent two years living in Mexico working in a Micro Credit co-op. She commented how cheery and happy the Mexican children are and how crying and tantrums were virtually non-existent. No crying! “how could that be?” But I remember being struck by the exact same phenomenom on a holiday in California and Disneyland several years ago – babies and children everywhere but not a Mexican child crying.

The speaker said while we use terms of endearment like “sweetheart” the Mexicans use a word meaning “’my life’- and they mean it”. The children stay constantly surrounded by family and close friends and feel cherished. It was refreshing to hear, as I think we in the west are quite anaesthetized by our affluence, in recession or not.

Why is it so hard to change our thinking?

It sounds easy to change our thinking but the problem is we get so attached to a particular line of thought. Studies teach us we think an average 60,000 thoughts per day! – with this amount of mental chat going on, it is not the random thoughts that will change our lives. It is the recurring thoughts, the ones we dwell on or keep coming back, that we should ‘flag’. These build a nest in our head and direct our behaviour. Behaviour repeated quickly forms a habit, and habits carve our destiny.

It might sound like, “I could never achieve that…I’ve always been this way”, or silent self-talk, “You fool!…Noone could really love you”.

So how do I change when I am attached to a line of thinking that I have let settle in my mind? I can examine and dissect how “life experiences, family, events” have influenced my patterns of thinking. The problem is, if I leave it there I remain the victim (something happened to me, something was done to me).

The key is taking the next step: taking responsibility for and owning the viewpoint I’ve adopted. Whether I have accumulated or had a pessimistic or optimistic outlook reinforced, it is only the act of taking personal responsibility that frees me to choose.

Then I need to be on the lookout and consciously “flag” the recurring thoughts. Recognizing these are only an attachment, perhaps I let them visit; but separating them from my Identity. Only when I recognize these beliefs or habits are not ‘me’, can I have the strength or ability to exert my will (make a decision) to detach and adopt another line of thinking – “retrain my brain”.

So a change of thinking takes humility, courage and persistence. It is not a small feat. But it brings mental resilience – which is the great reward – and new possibilities. And let those watching this feat be gracious, lest they be judged by their own standards.

“Do you believe a company can put together a sales comp plan that is commission only, and still attract good talent? Let’s assume that the product that they would be selling is good, and that a market exists…”

This is a wise question, with the capacity to challenge the status quo – and don’t let us confuse the status quo with ‘best’ or ‘empirical truth’. Corporate systems are built for a particular hierarchical kind of control – which has its own value but also considerable drawbacks. I believe the model is overdue to evolve.

We are mistaken if we think we can treat all roles ‘equal’. May I compare the roles in the business life cycle (eg admin, sales, support, management) to children in a family? Whilst we have an overall outcome in mind, children respond in different ways to different treatment. In the same way, a successful business outcome depends on working to the different motivations of the various functions, towards a united purpose.

While a wise manager will make each function (eg administrative, sales, management) his “favourite child” (appreciating each one’s value), each type responds to a different fuel. The fuel I speak of is different shaped remuneration, incentive, forms of appreciation. N.B. “One size fits all” approach may appear sufficient because you’re getting some results, but try motivating a salesperson with the motivator for an administrator and watch the results nosedive!

I think the question and context of having a good product, a real market, a plan with aggressive earnings/sale, even some warm leads, is very positive. The spotlight is being put on productivity. The old factory-style model (clock on/off, fill your quota, fill in time) is long out of date. Today’s world requires every person to be accountable and productive to the purpose of their role.

I worked for almost 20 years on commission-only – good commissions including strong bonus system (from building a sustainable business) – raised my family on it – on a pioneer concept that turned a huge industry upside down. The Corporate model has a lot to learn from the Direct Sales industry. It was noticeable when reward structures (fuel) changed to stimulate different purposes, how the steam went out of it. I was one of the last prime movers and high flyers to leave, and the company remaining is a mere shadow of its potential in products. …So yes, you can attract great talent on commission only. One can be innovative to attract high flyers by a time-bound ‘wage’ to sustain them over the initial period, but I strongly believe in ‘growing your own’ stars! You get – no baggage, a pure heart of loyalty to the company, great attitude+learn=your own expert high flyers who carve a name for the company long term.

The risk takers are always due the highest rewards – but it must be regular and never defaulted on! The sales function responds best to a certain type of fuel.

May I suggest to anyone questioning this mindset, to read Dr Muhammad Yunus’ outstanding story, “Banker to the Poor”, which success he has also demonstrated in western culture….enjoy! Yes I believe it is time for some deep questions on transforming our current reward models. I believe we Humans were designed for productivity, achievement, creativity. Yes much of our collective genius has been ‘forgotten’ but we can awaken it. The right rewards/fuel does this. My take on this question is, “Are your reward structures really empowering your people to fulfil their potential (and therefore bank accounts)?”

Can a leopard change his spots? – Can an Organization “create a new set of values”?

Theoretically we can take on new values, but I believe this is unlikely as values are like the centring weight of a pendulum. We bond ourselves to a set of values by our response to life experience and culture. Looking at Organization values, these will be formed or reproduced out of the most influential person or the sheer weight of numbers with a certain leaning.

For an organization to “change values” is a profound ambition! It can be done but requires a major shift at core level, not an intellectual decision. It will take deep conviction to ‘re-weight’ of the group ‘pendulum’. But apart from at that deliberate and purposeful approach, a “new list of values” can only be lipservice.

The danger of an organization waving around new, unfamiliar values as their own which their behaviour contradicts, is that it creates cynicism – which will be worse than the original ‘default’ condition. So without commitment to genuine change, better to recognize your organization’s true values and move together with the people who thrive under one’s same values.

As an added note – Values differ from Principles – which are objective, external and immovable. We can’t break principles, but violating them will break us. Using the clock analogy, Principles are like Time, which we cannot control but can only measure, leverage or use.